


What if?

by hudyjale



Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: Canon Related, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Miscarriage, TW: Blood, good old angst and fluff, not actually but i want to tag it to be safe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:01:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24615715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hudyjale/pseuds/hudyjale
Summary: A series of one-shots related to what could have happened if Judy was actually pregnant after 1x08.
Relationships: Judy Hale & Jen Harding, Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Comments: 18
Kudos: 77





	What if?

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to say that I'm ignoring the fact that Jen still didn't know about Ted on 1x08 perhaps I'll address that on another chapter if I keep more than the ones that I have in mind right now. I'm planning on writing at least 2 more chapters of this but I'm not sure how I'll organize that because they won't be uploaded chronologically. Just to set the record straight for the next possible chapters, this one is set on week 14.  
> Thanks for reading :)

“JEN” the scream came from her guts, from the very center of her body, piercing the silence of the house. She was standing in front of the mirror in their bedroom. She couldn’t move, she was too afraid to do so. Judy stood still, petrified as if just one single move would make her body crumble completely. She looked at her reflection in the mirror. “ _Not again. Not this time.”_ her eyes fixed in the small bump in her middle section.

Jen, who was working late in the living room, hurried up the stairs and into the bedroom alerted by Judy’s scream. Her heart was pounding as adrenaline flooded her veins. She took a vase that was in the hallway and entered the room ready to attack whoever was in there. But once in the room, she didn’t find anyone else but Judy. 

“Jude, are you ok?” she asked as she turned the main light of the bedroom on. _Silence._ “Sweetie, what’s wrong?” the blonde asked worried, as she approached the other woman. But then she saw it, and understood what was going on immediately; It was on her clothes, on their bedsheets, and running down her legs. She could have sworn that her heart had stopped beating at the sight of the bright red stains. “ _Fuck. Fuck no, Fuck.”_

“I-” Judy’s voice cracked “I’m sorry.” She felt like a failure. Once again she hadn’t been able to do it, her broken body kept rejecting her deepest desire. She should have known better not to get her hopes up, she knew how bad hope burns when it vanishes. But she had thought that this time wouldn’t be the same, that with Jen by her side it would be different. But it wasn’t like that; she couldn’t be fixed and the losses couldn’t be replaced. 

Jen wiped the tears off the brunette’s face with her thumbs as she cupped her face. “It’s alright. You two are going to be ok.” she would have given anything to be able to promise her that, but she knew she couldn’t. She could just wish for it to be true, for her family to be safe but it was so hard to believe it in the given scenario. 

“We’ve got to get you to the hospital” Jen stated as her body seemed to come out from the shock. She grabbed a rope that was sitting in a chair next to their bed and wrapped it gently around Judy’s body. 

“Jude, can you move?” she asked with her hands placed on the other woman’s shoulders. The brunette moved her gaze from the mirror to look at her and softly deny with her head. She was physically able to do so but she couldn’t make her body move, she didn’t have the strength to do it without breaking into a million pieces.

“I’m going to lift you so I can get you in the car. Ok?” 

“I want to take it,” said Judy, gesturing Jen to look at the small table in the room corner where they’ve been putting the few things that they had already bought for the baby. The stuffed animal was really small, almost the size of a palm. It was a gift from Henry. He had bought it with his own money the day after they had told the boys about the pregnancy. He had even wrapped it and put a note on it that was now safely stored. _“I can’t wait to meet you and be your brother. ILY. Henry. ”_

Jen walked towards the table and grabbed the little animal. She let some of the tears she was fighting to hold fall onto her cheeks as her brain played the images of that day like it was a movie. She was so afraid of losing it all, but she had to be strong for Judy. 

She turned around and handed the bear to the other woman. 

“Put your arms around my neck” as the brunette did so, she passed one arm around her torso and the other one behind her knees. She slowly lifted her from the ground and pulled her closer to her chest using her arms' muscles to support the weight as she made it outside the room. 

Charlie was standing at his bedroom door as he saw his mother leave the bedroom with Judy in her arms. “Mom, what the fuck happened?” he said as he rushed over them “Is Judy ok?” 

“We don’t know. I’m taking her to the hospital.” 

“I’ll give you a ride, you guys can’t go alone” he said as he made his way down the stairs and grabbed the keys. 

“It’s ok babe, I’ve got it.” the blonde took the car keys from his hand and motioned for him to open the front door. “Just take care of your brother.”

_x_

The drive to the hospital seemed eternal even though it was just 10 minutes from their house. Jen was sure she had broken all the traffic regulations but she didn’t give a fuck about it, not now. 

She parked at the urgency entrance and helped Judy out of the car. It broke her to see her like that. She wasn’t there, her body was but her mind was lost, wandering down an awful path. If only she could make it better, turn back the time to that same night before everything happened, where they were laughing on the couch and picturing how their life would change in a few months. 

“Can you walk?” she asked, unsure of letting go of her grip on her arms. 

“Yeah” Judy answered vaguely. 

“Alright, let’s get you inside” Jen placed a soft kiss on the top of her head. She took her hand in hers and guided Judy towards the entrance. 

The blonde rushed to the desk asking for a doctor. “We need to see an obstetrician. She’s bleeding.” motioning towards Judy who was standing next to her. 

“How far along is she?” the nurse asked as she typed something on her computer. 

“14 weeks.” 

“Ok. Well I’m going to need you to fill this form-” said the woman as she handed Jen an admission sheet. But she was cut off. 

“What the fuck? I’m telling you that she’s fucking bleeding and you’re asking me to fill a fucking form? What the fuck is wrong with you?” she had snapped, letting roam all the anger and tension that was building inside of her. 

“Jen” a soft voice called for her. She felt Judy’s hand in her arm, stopping her rant. “Please, I need you to help me.” she said to the nurse, “I don’t want to lose my baby” the heartbreak evident in her tone. 

“I know honey, the doctor will be here in a minute. I just need you to fill the form so we can help you properly”. The woman sounded emphatic and they bought it. “You can sit over there, it’ll be just a minute.” 

They moved towards the chairs and sat there. Jen had Judy’s hand in hers. “Jude, sweetie, talk to me” she begged. She needed to know what was going on in her head. She needed to pull her from her demons. 

“I can’t” she confessed. “I don’t want to break. I need to keep holding on” 

“I get it.” she didn’t know what to do, what to say. _Why did they have to go through this? Why couldn’t they be fucking happy just once?_ “You know I love you, right? No matter what.” it was sincere, from the bottom of her heart. 

The brunette nodded. She knew why Jen was telling her that, she knew that she wasn’t like Steve, that she wouldn’t leave her alone because they were in this together, for good or not. 

“I love you too.” 

“Ms. Hale?” a doctor asked as she approached them “I’m Dr. Robinson. I’ll be the one attending you tonight. If you could please follow me to the room, will get you checked up” 

Jen stood up quickly and helped Judy up from her seat. “It’s ok if I go in with you?” she asked, not knowing what the younger woman would prefer. She so desperately wanted to go inside with her but she didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. 

“Please” the response came out almost as a begging. 

_x_

Everything was too familiar for her: the sterile smell, the bright lights, the whiteness of the walls, her body on the examination table. The only thing keeping her grounded was the hand that was holding hers. _Jen._ She looked into those big green eyes and didn’t see the hatred or disappointment that she used to see in Steve’s, she saw love and compassion. 

“Ms. Hale, I need for you to walk me through what happened.” stated the doctor extracting Judy from her thoughts. “I know it can be hard but I need some information.”

Judy felt how the grip on her hand became stronger as a sign of encouragement.

“I- I went to bed because I was feeling a little weak and - and I fell asleep for a moment.” She paused to try to re-accommodate so she could finish explaining what had happened to the doctor. “And then I woke up because I felt something was wrong.” but she couldn’t continue and her tears started to flow freely down her cheeks. She tried to hold it in but the sobs were uncontrollable now. 

“Hey, hey,” Jen stood up and placed both of her hands cupping her face “Look at me, c’mon” The brunette opened her eyes to met her gaze. “You can do this love. Keep going.” 

Judy took a deep breath and pushing her pain aside continued relating the events to the doctor, who was already seated next to the ultrasound scanner. “I- I woke up and saw I was bleeding. But it didn’t hurt. Not like the other times.” 

“Well, that can actually be a good indicator. Did you have any cramps or contractions?” asked the doctor searching for more information. 

“No, none. It was as if nothing was happening.” That was actually one of the things that made Judy even madder to herself. How could her body put her thought this and not even be alerted? How could she be so broken?.

“Ok, I see. So, this may be a little cold but let’s see what’s going on.” The doctor placed the transducer on top of Judy’s abdomen and began to move it slowly. 

The monitor was pitch black and the silence in the room was getting heavier each second.

Until a sound broke it. _Thump-thump, thump_ \- _thump, thump_ \- _thump._ One after another. Fast, strong, real, alive.

“There you are buddy” exclaimed the doctor, the happiness in her voice evident from not having to break any bad news to the women in the room. 

“Is that - Is that their heartbeat?” Judy asked between tears. Had she passed out and this was a dream? Was it now real and everything had been a nightmare? 

“It is indeed.” the doctor pointed at a white round thing on the screen “See, that’s their head.” she moved her finger a bit on the screen now pointing to what it seemed like a black hole “and that little thing there is your baby’s heart”

“Our baby” Judy let out turning her head searching for Jen. She was standing next to her, her hand grabbing her’s securely. She was crying, holding the little stuffed animal that they had taken from home with them close to her chest. 

“Our baby” she repeated slowly. She couldn’t make her mind up of how had she become so lucky in such a short period of time. She leaned in and kissed Judy softly on the lips. “I love you.” she said before Judy’s lips made her way to her mouth once again. 

They turned back the attention to the doctor that was still looking at the screen, searching for the source of the bleeding. She captured some images as she kept moving the transductor now on a narrowed portion of the younger’s woman abdomen. 

“So if it wasn’t a miscarriage what caused the bleeding? Is the baby alright?” The concern in Judy’s voice was still evident, she still didn’t trust her body completely. 

“Yes, the baby seems alright. There are no signs of fetal distress and the amniotic sac is intact. Had your OB ever mentioned anything about subchorionic hematoma?” 

“No, she said everything was fine. We had the last ultrasound 2 weeks ago” Jen jumped in “What’s that?” 

“Well, it’s a blood accumulation between the uterus and the placenta. The causes are unknown but given the previous pregnancies and age it could be related to that.” 

“So what can we do about it?” Judy asked from her position in the examination bed. 

“Mostly rest. No heavy lifting nor physical activities or intercourses until we are sure that the clot has dissolved. It may take a few weeks” the doctor took off her gloves and stood up. 

“We’re keeping you here tonight to see if there’s any more bleeding and I’ll be ordering a blood test to see if we have to put you on progesterone just to be sure. I’ll send the report to your doctor and the nurse will be here in a bit to take you to your room.” She stood next to the door before leaving and added: “Take care.” 

_x_

They were alone in the hospital room. Jen had spoken with Charlie just a bit ago, he told her that Henry was sleeping and that Christopher had arranged with him to take them to the hospital tomorrow to see Judy. 

Jen sat next to the bed where Judy seemed to be asleep. She looked so little, so delicate. The soft sound of her sleeping matched the rhythm of the heart monitor. She could see the spikes of Judy’s heartbeats and just below the ones from the baby’s. It was just for security that they were monitoring them but it still freaked Jen out to see all those cables and screens around her. 

She tucked away a brunette curl that was falling on her face. She thought there was not a more beautiful thing on earth than that woman. How had she fallen for her so quickly and easily? It had been like falling asleep, she didn’t realize how or when but when she knew she was way too in.   
But those last 3 months had been utterly special. Since the day that they had found out about the pregnancy, everything had evolved so quickly. They never talked about it but somehow they found themselves sharing the bed more often until they did it every night; holding hands when they were walking until it was the most normal thing to do, cuddling on the couch until one night they found themselves kissing. It was just so easy, so natural. 

And then Jen realized that in the maelstrom of their routine they had never actually talked about it. Of course they had said I love you a million times and had kissed and been intimate but they had never put a name on it. _Look at you Jennifer, thinking about fucking labels. You’re so fucking hooked._ But it was true, she was. 

“You’re staring. That's not very polite.” Judy stated, coming out of her slumber to find Jen sitting next to her. 

“Couldn’t help it.” she moved forward shortening the distance between them. “How are you feeling?” 

The brunette couldn’t find the words to express everything that she was feeling. She didn’t know where to begin. “I’m better, but still scared tho.” 

“I know.” Jen couldn’t help bringing her hand to Judy’s face. She needed to touch her, to reaffirm that she was safe. “Do you want to talk about it?” she didn’t want to push Judy into those memories so fast but she knew that the younger woman was going to need to let it all out at some moment. 

The brunette shrugged “I don’t think I’m ready yet.” She got lost in Jen’s face a bit. Judy was sure nobody had looked at her with such love and devotion as she did. It made her feel safe and for the first time in her life, she didn’t felt alone. She knew that she had someone; she had Jen and their family. “I just know that right now I feel so grateful that the baby is safe but also I’m grateful for doing this with you.” 

Jen couldn’t resist it and leaned in to kiss her softly. She didn’t move far when they parted and rested her forehead on Judy’s. “You know, I- I was thinking.” her words seemed to get stuck in her throat. _C’mon, you can do this. Don’t be a fucking coward._ “We should name this.” 

Judy seemed puzzled. She pushed Jen a bit to get a better look at her face as if she could find there a clue about what she was talking about. “You mean the baby?” she asked. 

“No. I mean, well, yes. That also. We can’t keep using nicknames until we’re paying college bills. But I- I was talking about us.” _Just ask her Jeniffer._ She cleared her throat, trying to push the sudden fears aside. “Jude, will you be my girlfriend?” 

The burst of laughter broke the quiet of the room. Jen was sure that almost all the hospital could hear Judy. “Sorry, I’m sorry honey” she let out between the giggles. 

Jen couldn’t understand why Judy was laughing. “What the fuck Jude?” she let out, the laugh beginning to grow on her as well. 

“It’s just you looked so cute I couldn’t.” she calmed herself and caught a more serious tone before continuing “Yes,” she stated. “Of course I’ll be your girlfriend. I wanna be everything with you.”

They kissed lovingly, enjoying the safeness that being together gave them. “You’re lucky I love you, if not that cackling up…” Jen stated before returning her attention to Judy’s mouth.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it and sorry If you found any grammatical or spelling mistakes. If you want to leave me any reviews or advice I'd love that. Thanks again!


End file.
